Do you ask for what you want in life ?
I hope so !
If you do, do you tend to get the results that you really desire ?
If the answer is no , you might be asking the wrong questions.
Hang on Vanessa , I actually got a question : what exactly do you mean by the wrong questions ?
Let me explain...
But before I do that, let's have a look to find out why some people don't ask for what they want at all !
There might be a variety of reasons....
1. False pride
They assume that they are above others, and that someone else will naturally sort their problem out for them - after all , that's not their job , right ??
Let me tell you a little story that illustrates why this approach won't lead you anywhere :
Once upon a time , there were four people called everybody, somebody, nobody and anybody. When there was an important job to be done , everybody was sure that somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it - but nobody did . When nobody did it, everybody got angry, because it was somebody's job. Everybody thought that somebody would do it, but didn't realise that nobody would do it - so it ended up that everybody blamed somebody when nobody did what anybody could have done in the first place. Well , just remember that who you think is nobody really is somebody and everybody can become anybody.
Did anybody get my point ?
LOL :-)
Let's get to point number two...
2. Fear
What is fear ? According to Tony Robbins , fear is False Evidence that Appears Real. In other words, fear is an imagined reality that might never come true.
So Vanessa, if fear is an imagined reality that might never come true in the first place, then what are people so afraid of ?
They are afraid to be rejected, they are afraid to get embarrassed, they are afraid to fail and they are afraid to get hurt.
They might even be afraid to succeed !
Why ?
Because the experience of success is outside of their comfort zone - it's not what they are used to. Better the devil you know than the devil you don't know.
3. Ego
This really brings us back to the problem of false pride. People assume that they must do everything on their own in order to "look good", "raise their status" ( which status ?? ) and "appear cool and efficient."
Forget it.
Nothing of real significance has ever been accomplished without the successful collaboration between at least two - and often more - individuals.
But what, really, are questions ?
Questions can be some of the most powerful weapons of influence.
When I am talking about influence, I am not only talking about influencing others.
Who do you need to be able to influence first ?
That's right, yourself.
If you haven't got the discipline to influence yourself, you will never have the ability to influence others. Period.
So Vanessa, how can I learn to ask powerful and influential questions ?
Bear with me...
Jerry Clark from www.clubrhino.com/vanessa.html talks about "Polyester Versus Silk Questions" in his groundbreaking programme called "The Magic Of Influence."
A lot of the information that I am sharing with you in this particular post is actually not my own, but it's stuff that I have learned from listening to Jerry's programmes. I suggest that you go to www.clubrhino.com/vanessa.html and check out all of the brilliant information that is provided on the website.
But let's get back to the polyester questions and the silk questions !
What do they really stand for ?
Let me explain :
If you are familiar with different fabrics, you will have noticed that some fabrics look and feel better than others. For example, silk feels better than polyester.
So why do most people wear polyester instead of wearing silk ?
Because it's cheaper !
And why do most people need to keep their costs down ?
Because they have been asking "polyester questions."
If you wear polyester, you might want to go from asking polyester questions to asking silk questions - because the quality of your life is in direct proportion to the quality of the questions that you ask yourself and others.
If you refuse to get anything but the best, you often get it.
An anonymous poet summarised this beautifully in the following poem :
I bargained with Life for a penny
And Life would pay no more
However I begged at evening
When I counted my scanty store.
For Life is just an employer,
He gives you what you ask,
But once you have set the wages,
Why, you must bear the task.
I worked for a menial's hire,
Only to learn, dismayed ,
That any wage I had asked of Life,
Life would have willingly paid.
The Bible says :
"Ask, and it shall be given you. Seek, and ye shall find. Knock, and it shall be opened unto you : for everyone that asketh receiveth ; and he that seeketh findeth ;and to him that knocketh it shall be opened."
When we think about asking for what we want, we often think about asking someone else - which is fine in principle - but note that you can ask internally as well. We all have got an infinite source of wisdom within us ,and often we can solve our problems just by asking ourselves the correct questions.
According to Tony Robbins, questions are the answers.
So what do you need to do to improve the quality of your life ?
You need to ask higher quality questions !
Let me give you a few examples :
If you are feeling lonely , a "polyester question" might be any of the following :
Why am I so lonely ?
Why does everyone hate me ?
What's wrong with the world?
Why can I never have any fun ?
These questions don't move you forward - they keep you stuck where you are !
On the contrary, a "silk question" might be as follows :
How can I meet new people on a continuos basis whilst having fun and enjoying myself ?
- This question will make you think - and encourage your mind to come up with a solution.
Questions direct your thoughts, and directed thoughts are what we call focus. Your focus directs your feelings, and your feelings direct your actions. Your actions direct your results, and your results can influence your destiny.
So Vanessa , that's all fine - I understand. But how can I ask questions to others and still get what I want ?
First of all, realise that you cannot force people to give you something if they don't want to - and accept that. Don't be pushy, don't be arrogant and realise that everyone has got the good right to grant you a wish - or not.
Then follow these simple tips from Jerry Clark :
1. Ask with clarity
The more specific the better. The main reason people don't get what they want is the fact that they aren't specific enough when making a request.
2. Ask intelligently
Ask someone who has the ability to give you what you are asking you. In other words, don't ask a couch potato to design a fitness regime for you !
3. Use common courtesy in your request
Be polite, be genuine, be sincere, say "please" and say "thank you."
4. Ask with salt
What ???
You can lead a horse to the water but you can't force it to drink. However, if you feed it some very salty food in advance, you will increase the chances that the horse will want some water.
Aha...
So what does this mean in relation to asking questions ?
Give either value (for example in the form of a smile or a compliment ) or an incentive before asking. Make sure that the value you are giving appeals to the particular person you are asking - in other words : focus on giving not receiving.
5. Ask with posture
Be serious. Ask with an attitude of expectancy and belief. Don't appear to be begging. Be confident and composed - the other person will pick up on your "vibes" and will be a lot more likely to grant your wish.
6. Be persistent
In other words - don't give up so easily ! Just because one person couldn't help you doesn't mean that nobody can. Remember that the harvest happens in a different season than the planting of the seeds.
So where does that take you from here ?
Practise your "question asking muscles."
Go to www.clubrhino.com/vanessa.html and check out more info.
Hire a coach.
I am one !
My website is at www.vanessabsirskyonline.com
You can always ask me !
:-)
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